Unleash Evil... with a can opener

There are two words that I never thought I would utter in conjunction. "Canned" and "Haggis". Low and behold, I've gone and eaten some.

It was received as a gift from a pair of friends. For some reason, as soon as they saw it, they thought of my husband and I. It is probably fair to say that they had a point, as I can't imagine anyone else getting quite as enthusiastic about a canned good as we did.

I will admit, our haggis lingered on our pantry shelf for some time. We would encounter it from time to time as we surveyed the area for dinner inspirations, but always passed it by with the same kind of morbid curiosity that a facial growth would inspire. We were intrigued, but I for one was hesitant: the possibility of comparison to spaghetti-ohs being a constant fear for me in this regard.

But eat it we did, and to be honest our fears were generally unfounded. It tastes exactly like what you would imagine canned pet food would taste like. Considering that dog or cat food is typically made up of all the nasty bits that we generally avoid, just as haggis is typically made up of all the nasty bits that we generally avoid, this similarity is not surprising. What is more, according to my scottish and more haggis-experienced husband, it actually tasted reminiscent of actual haggis. Unlike spaghetti-ohs.

Ruminations on the State of Butchery

Kidney has been something I've been rolling around with for a little while now-- experimenting on the prep involved from various types of specimens more than anything. The final dishes have been lack-luster, but as yet not quite inedible.

What I have been finding most alarming is the various states of prep level they can be bought at through your local mega-mart. I have seen kidneys of various beasts being sold with and without suet, membrane removed, cored or not, sliced or not... there seems to be no normalcy involved here.

Which brings me to my next rhetorical query: should I be trusting those organs from unattributable sources? Should I be trusting any such food item for that matter? The preparation and consumption of offal is rife with such riddles, and I think I have finally come to the conclusion that no, I don't think this is wise in any case.

My reasoning here is more in regards to potential degradation in quality rather than the possibility of illness, etc. It seems to me that, if I buy a piece of meat from , it is unlikely that anyone will be able to tell me about that meat's origins aside from, potentially, the beast from which it is derived. Go to a good butcher, though (and I do stress that the butcher should be good), and you can field such questions as kill date, hang-time, level of industrialization, etc.

At this point it occurs to me (and not for the first time): why the hell does it take so much effort to find a decent butcher these days? It took me no less than 2 and a half years to find one in my neck of the woods. Many butchers seem to be meaty middle-men. They get their pre-portioned chunks of sub-primals and so on from their favourite provider and sub-cut from there. This seems especially prevalent in Toronto's organic meats market, where most retailers get their cuts from Baretta Farms. Try asking most of these guys for something out of the normal product lineup and you're sure to get a quick and flat 'no.'

Has good old fashioned butchery-- the one where you can walk into a shop and ask cuts off the beaten track and not be regarded with confusion-- gone the way of the way of the white rhino? Surely this type of service is not to be considered 'artisenal', is it?

Chronicles of Poutine: The Curd the Fries and the Gravy

Battle III: Compliments vs. Merit Selection

2 sauces, both alike in dignity, on fair french fry we lay our scene.

In the red corner we have "Compliments" brand poutine sauce. Unassuming with its No-Frills label and design. Will it earn its place in the ranks of quality and yet somehow enjoyable sauces, or will it have earned its place in the bargain basement bin of condiment hell?

In the blue corner, Merit Selection. Mysterious, if not enticing, with its topsy-turvy bilingualism. Will it be as comforting as the cozy red band it sports?

Over many (many) pints of the traditional poutine accompaniment (beer), these two fiercely affordable contenders were weighed for their key components: viscosity, flavour, seasoning, adherence. After much deliberation the votes were tallied and...

Compliments Poutine Sauce emerges from the deep frier victorious.

Despite its lack of body and thin consistency, its flavour carried the dish further than the Merit Select. This is not to say that its vanquished competitor is a poor sauce-- in fact its viscosity was favourable when compared to the victor. However, its flavour seemed to disappear when coupled with its bowl-brethren, leaving the complete dish lacking in depth.

Compliments brand will definately be seen again, perhaps in the next round where the best of the best face off in sudden death poutine!

Operation: Fusilli with curried squash sauce.

Idea:

allegies = bad

curried squash = good

pasta = good

therefore... curry squashie pasta should = good, right?

Ingredients:

1 acorn squash

2-3 tbsp woefully underpowered 10 year old curry powder

2 tbsp melted butter

pinch nutmeg

more salt than should have been necessary

pepper

parmesan cheese

1/4 cup half n' half

Enough fusilli pasta for 2 good sized bowls.

halve the squash and brush with melted butter and season with salt. toss in the oven at 375, along with those luscious (seasoned) seeds. remove seeds once they're roastie and brown with the intention of adding them to the finished dish as a garnish. Eat the seeds, cuz they're just too damn tastey to wait. Continue roasting the squash till the flesh is tender and scoopable. Remove from oven and scoop into a bowl. Puree the squash using your favourite implement of puree attainment (in my case, a food mill). 

Once squash is pureed, add the curry powder one teaspoon at a time, marvelling at just how impotent it is. Add a little salt, pepper and nutmeg. Now realize what a terrible (though tastey) idea eating those roasted seeds was. 

Boil up the pasta, strain and drop noodles back into their pot. Add sauce and stir around. Add half n' half, parmesan cheese and season (again) to taste. Serve with shavings of parmesan and a shrug.

Verdict

On the whole, this wasn't as good as I had hoped, though some tinkering may yet save the idea from the culinary scrap heap. I'll probably reference some existing squash curry recipes before I make this again and see if they can't lend some direction as to where this went astray.

**  out of  *****   (meh)

Food goes here.

Make way for some food lovin' gone terribly awry. Maybe. 

I'll not lie and say I'm a dedicated member of the blogosphere. I'm far to unstable for that. However, I do need a place to document my travels through culinary experimentation, so here I am, trying blogger on for size. 

If all goes as it is hoped, this will be a blog about food. More specifically, this will be a blog about me trying to cook food, and hopefully not failing miserably at it. 

My interests, to warn you dear reader, are not necessarily meant for those of weak heart. In fact, heart is exactly where my interests lie... hearts and kidneys and livers, oh my! My aim is to cook these delicious organs in an effort to understand them; to truly grok their culinary elasticity.

With that, I hope to write again soon. Until such time, then, if any.

Cheers.